So for this post, I've decided to try something a bit different. And if I feel like this is something worth writing, then I'll continue this once a week.
The idea is a letter. A letter to whom you might wonder. Well...to anyone. Each week, I'll write a new letter to someone different. It could be to my future self, my dog, my sister, my car, etc... If you have someone (or something) you would like me to write to, leave it in the comments, and who knows! It might be the next week's post.
Now for this week's letter, It's a letter to my past self...
Dear younger self,
How's it going? I hope it's going okay. If not, don't sweat it. It'll get better. And you will be a stronger girl because of it.
To my 7 year old self: I know mom and dad's divorce and constant yelling frightens you. But I know that Sam has been a brilliant dog & best friend and has stuck beside you. It's okay to be scared, but know that this huge change helps you and your family. Of course, nothing will be perfect. No family is. But you do get twice as many presents on your birthday and Christmas, plus as many hugs and kisses. And as for having to move back and forth every week, hold out until you're 18 and then you get to make your own decisions. 10 years will fly by.
To my 14 year old self: I know high school has been tough (and it's only your freshman year) but in the end, everything will be worth it. Soccer is a pain, and sometimes so hard to wake up for in the morning, but cherish every memory, every play, every locker room talk, because there might be a moment in which you regret ever giving it up. The biggest struggle for you this year would have to be becoming a big sister for the first time... Oh I remember those times... Plus you have to add in dad's new girlfriend (who, btw, will become your new step-mom in October of this year). Believe me, I know it's hard and sometimes you just want to give up but hold on... That little sister will later look up to you and want to do everything with you, and when she learns to talk and walk, it will be reminded through her sass and attitude, just how related y'all are. And that marriage with your dad and his girlfriend will make you part of a family that grants you 4 new aunts and uncles, and new cousins. Stand tall, young one, and proud.
To my 15 year old self: It's okay to cry over a dog. Because he wasn't just a dog. Sam was your best friend when you felt so alone. He protected you, and was always the one to get you to smile when all you wanted to do was cry... So break down, sob, bawl... Because you are not alone in it. You are not the only one mourning. (Even to this day, as I write this, I tear up thinking of my first dog...I can't look at a golden retriever without feeling that pain), Remind yourself that while Sam was your dog, your baby, he lived at your dad's house. Dad took care of him when you couldn't. So go and cry in your dad's arms because both of you are feeling the same pain right now.
To my 17 year old self: Oh how I feel your pain so easily. Trust me, even to this day as I am about to be twenty and a junior in college in the fall, I still feel that pain of being the odd one out in your dad's family. Your younger sister and brother fit in perfectly because it is their family. But you feel like your just the add-on that kind of came with the package... And I know every day you get closer and closer to just ending it, but don't. Remember that you have been blessed with two younger siblings that adore you and think you are the world. That you have a few friends that have managed to squeeze themselves in your hardened heart. That in another year, you can add editor and high school graduate to your resume. All you have to do is hold on to the possibility of a greater future.
To my past self: There have been many highs and lows. Sometimes you feel the lows outweigh the highs. But I am telling you right now that those lows do NOT outweigh the highs. You are so so blessed. You have had the opportunity to do so much for someone who has so little.
New York, California, Nevada, Austin, Florida, San Antonio.
To my past self: Breathe. Because where you are right now at this moment will change just as the seasons do. And because where I am at this moment is only possible because of what you, I, we have been through. And where I am is in a perfect spot to do something great.
Your Future Self
"If it scares you, it might be a good thing..."