When you are asked as a little kid "What are you scared of?" Most kids answer "Spiders, the dark, ghosts, the boogey man, clowns," etc. As you get older and learn that spiders are more scared of us, the boogey man is not real and clowns are just people in make-up, those answers change to more...realistic answers.
When adults are asked "What scares you?," sometimes they answer "nothing." Or "I'm not a kid anymore, what is there to be scared of?" But most likely, everyone who answers that they are scared of nothing, is probably scared of something bigger.
I can list probably five things that scare me. But the biggest thing I am scared of?
Never falling in love.
Like heart wrenching, butterflies in your stomach, can't-breathe-because-you're-so happy love. Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be a wife and a mother. I wanted this grand love story that started out as a fairy tale but then I realized that a great love story isn't made of fairy tales, but I still wanted it. As my friends and I got older, some fell into relationships that turned into nothing and some fell into relationships that make you question if fairy tales were actually real.
I wish I could say that this is an irrational fear, that you shouldn't worry about falling in love with a boy, that you can be a strong independent person by yourself... But I can't.
I want someone to come home to, to goof around as we cook (or bake). I want someone who will take me on long drives at night just so we can watch the stars. Someone who will, hopefully, help me build a home. Someone who will want to adopt all the animals, but knows logically that maybe one might be the best to start.
Someone who will go on adventures with me, whether it is across the country or across town. I want someone who has my back, front and sides but who also knows how to stand up against for what's right. Someone who might not get my obsession with attending Supernatural conventions or being a fangirl, but supports it either way. Someone who will spend the night watching my favorite historical pieces on Netflix because they realize I am a huge nerd for anything medieval.
Someone to make silly, deep, and thoughtful promises with. Someone who will be okay with my amateur content creating, who will take photos and videos of me, with me and for me. I want someone who is going to lift me up on my bad days and dance with me on my good days.
And maybe this is an irrational fear for some people, but for me, and I feel like I can safely assume for some other people, it's a fear that creeps up on us occasionally, when we least expect.
Until next time,
"If it scares you, it might be a good thing..."